RIP Beverly Cleary

    Early in my school career, I discovered my favorite of all places in whatever school I was attending at the time - the library. I absolutely loved the library.  What I remember of kindergarten library visits were mostly the picture books (what else can you read in kindergarten) but by first grade,  I remember visiting and being able to borrow a book. For free!! As long as you returned it two weeks later.

    We moved before second grade and that was when my fondness for the school library really took off. Because I was considered “advanced” as a learner - perhaps because I actually paid attention in first grade - I was able to get additional library privileges. This meant I could go pretty much whenever I wanted - which I did.  And I read and read. So much so that, by the time I was in sixth grade, I was asked to help the librarian choose new books by being able to preview the new ones that had just come in.  What a thrill for a library lover like me.

    Later, in junior high school, I ventured beyond the usual fiction and non-fiction fare, and explored biographies of those who were far less known to me. One in particular - Alone by Richard Byrd - stood out. I always wondered what it would be like to live completely alone under the ice.  Perhaps that was inspired by my two brothers and one sister, ensuring I didn’t know what “alone” meant.

    By high school, the library had gotten bigger and I had discovered the music room - a huge room full of records, more than I could ever imagine. I started borrowing them and, thanks to the arrival of a new cassette recorder, I started to expand my own music library - while still stopping by to borrow a book from time to time.

    What inspired this trip down memory lane was the news this week that Beverly Cleary, the creator of my all time favorite character, Henry Huggins, had died at the age of 104. Of all the books I borrowed as a kid, none excited me as much as the Cleary books. I loved them. The stories were relatable, the characters were realistic and funny and they were just a good way to pass the time. I remember wishing I could live with the Huggins family on Kilkitat Street - it just seemed like a better place to live than wherever I was at the time.

    Beverly Cleary was an inspiration to me, and one that I still call upon today as a teacher. I remember buying my own children their copies of the Cleary classics (“Here, read these. You’ll love them” I said. And along came Harry Potter to prove me wrong.)  Cleary was a living link back to my childhood. I thought she’d live forever.

    It’s  been, in all honesty, only a few months since I last read one of her stories. Henry and the Paper Route to be precise. I think I’ll take one down from the shelf tonight and take another trip down memory lane.  Rest in peace, Mrs. Cleary. And thank you for everything.

HR1, School Elections, and the power of a Lollipop

When I was in elementary school, my best friend decided he wanted to run for student council president. Not that he had any experience in being IN student council, but he thought it might be fun to be president of something. I, being his best friend, was enlisted to be his campaign manager.

We spent hours strategizing on how to best win the election. We focused on promises. Lots and lots of promises. We promised better quality of school lunches. We promised more recess time. We promised free ice cream on Fridays. We even promised no homework on days that ended  in Y. In other words, we patterned our campaign after the real political campaigns of the day.

We handed out lollipops, which was only possible because my dad owned a candy store. We even handed out unopened baseball card packs to select “organizers”, who promised they could influence certain groups of voters. Again, just like real political campaigns.

But when the votes were counted, we lost. And, to be honest, it wasn’t even close.  We didn’t ask for a recount - there was no reason to. I realized that all our voters were only in it for the lollipops.

But, if we had run today instead of 40 years ago, things might have been different. Because I would have taken a page from the Republican party and, instead of trying to get AS MANY votes as possible, I would have sought out ways to suppress the vote. Keep the voters AWAY and we would win!!  What a brilliant strategy.

Hey you, third grader. You just moved here 2 months ago. You can’t vote.  You, kid with the accent. How do I know you’re eligible?? Out you go. You, tall kid in the 6th grade - are you REALLY a student here?? No vote for you.  Had we followed this new strategy, we might have actually won. And we wouldn’t have had to promise free Yoo-Hoo to every student on Mondays.

As juvenile as this strategy sounds, it’s actually the Republican approach to winning elections these days. It’s why HR-1 is so vehemently opposed by the GOP. In other words, don’t try to “persuade” voters to vote for you by promising things that they may actually want (or by offering up real ideas to improve their lives - not by promising more pizza on the lunch menu!). No. Instead, keep voters for the opposition OUT of the election process. Make things more difficult. Basically, suppress the vote!

That is the entirety of the GOP strategy. It’s not about bringing “integrity” to the election process. It’s about bringing smaller numbers of Democrats out to vote. It’s not about improving the messaging or the positioning of the party but rather fighting the fact that the Democrats are making more and more inroads with the middle class.  Make no mistake - the GOP is not about improving the election process. It’s about “fixing” the process to their benefit.

Perhaps I should have borrowed some of their tactics. After all, had we forced the third grade to take a spelling test before voting, that may have swung the election our way. Who knows how things may have changed for us?  Yoo-hoo anyone?

Hey - I bought a new pen!!!

I bought a new pen today.  Which to the average human being is not such a big deal. But if you would have seen how long I agonized over this ridiculously simple decision, I think you might have decided to call the men in the white coats to take me away.  I bought a new pen because I just lost my most recent “favorite pen”, which was pressed into service when I actually did lose my most favorite pen, for which I haven’t been able to find a replacement.

Confused yet?

My most favorite pen is a Parker Jotter. Specifically, a Parker Jotter with a blue barrel and a silver top. Specifically, a Parker Jotter with a blue barrel and a silver top that contains blue ink, because I am partial to blue ink. I had two of them. One had, over the years, somehow gone “out of round” and the clicker mechanism sticks. The second - my go-to pen - somehow disappeared somewhere between my car and my school (or perhaps my school and my car, depending on when I lost it).  Anyway, it’s gone.

And replacing it has been a pain, because all of my trips to the office supply store have turned up fruitless. No Parker Jotter with a blue barrel and a sliver top (none of them have blue ink, by the way. You just have to buy that separately). So, needing to write, I have set off in search of a suitable replacement. (Now I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say, “why don’t you just order a replacement from Amazon?” And one of these days, I’m going to write my entry on why I am trying to wean myself off of Amazon, but at the end of the day the simple answer is because it seems like a ridiculous amount of effort to simply have a pen delivered to my home. A picker to a packer to a driver to a pilot to a driver to a warehouseman to a packer to a driver just to get to my home?? This is almost as ridiculous as how much time I wasted buying my new pen in the first place!!)

I’ve had other pens over the years. My previous absolute favorite was my Cross retractable ballpoint pen. I had several of those - still have one or two - but I went off of them because I found them to be annoyingly slim. Built like a tank, but two delicate for my everyday use (but it did look good in my pocket during my Wall Street years).

I also liked the Pentel G7 pens. I like that they are refillable and the purple ones are my favorite for grading. I like the blue ones too, but I find that sometimes the gel ink gets smudged.  But, in a pinch, it’s a good pen. EXCEPT - for the clip. The plastic clip never seems to last, which seems to render the refillability somewhat moot.

For Christmas, my daughter bought me two Beatles pens. These are the retractable kind, which I like, and, right off the bat, a lot better than the Beatles pens I bought on a trip to Epcot Center several years ago, which write like crap and had an annoying sticker that left a horrendous residue on the barrel of what was a very attractive pen.

But, as well as they wrote, I was still partial to the Parker. Until that got lost, and the Beatles pen was pushed into service.  And I know why they sell two at a time. Because #1 fell apart (literally) after about a week, rendering it useless.  Into the garbage it went.

And out came #2. And I discovered something remarkable. I discovered that if I replaced the cheap ink refill with a Parker refill, I had a reasonable facsimile of my Parker Jotter - at least as far as ink was concerned. The workmanship was lacking, but hey, it worked.

And worked it did. Right up until this past Thursday, when it went missing. It’s got to be somewhere, but I don’t know where.

So I struggled with a stick pen on Friday, which is an abomination as far as I’m concerned. Taking off a cap and replacing a cap is only a sure fire way to LOSE a cap.  Which led me to Walmart - or at least that’s where I was today when I decided I had to buy some pens.

I looked and looked. I don’t like Pentech pens for some reason. And there were no Pentel pens in blue. And a million stick pens. Finally, after like 15 minutes (really, 15 minutes to pick out a package of $3 pens), I decided on the Bic Atlantis.  It’s blue, it’s medium point, it’s retractable, and it has a metal clip. And it was made in France, just like my beloved Jotter.

As for how it works as a pen, we’ll see. But if I lose this one - there’s still 4 more in the package.

Say goodbye to Glamour

I read earlier today that Glamour magazine was going to be suspending producing print publications. Another magazine goes by the wayside.

Now, as anyone who knows me will attest to, I am definitely NOT a Glamour magazine reader. My sense of style tends more toward plain white button-collar dress shirts, two pairs of Levi’s and several assorted t-shirts with various logos on them. So I will definitely NOT miss the monthly issue of Glamour.

But that’s not the point. The point is that, if you love words as much as I do, losing still another familiar print publication is just one more blow to the writing and publishing industry. There have been way too many publications that have ceased to exist on our newstands. So many, in fact, that I often wonder why we still have newsstands!!

So, if you love words - both the writing of and the reading of - I have one simple request. Go buy a magazine. A real honest-to-goodness, glossy magazine. And read it. From cover to cover. And, if you are so inclined, subscribe to a magazine. And while  you’re at it, subscribe to a newspaper too. The real ink-on-my-hands kind. The kind that is a pain in the ass to read on the subway.

And maybe, if that works for you , buy a book. From a bookstore. And here you are probably expecting me to say from a local bookstore, but to be honest it’s to the point that I don’t care if it’s the Barnes and Noble at the mall, just go buy a book. (I know Amazon is so convenient, but bookstores are so nice). And if money is tight, go the library instead. And check out a book or two.

Because it is those of us who love words who have to do all we can to try to save the printed word. In an age when a Tweet (is that right?) is considered “official White House correspondence”, I feel we need to make a stand for ink on paper.  The magazine you save just may be your own.

Now where’s my GQ? Didn’t they just have an article on denim?

By all means, don't let the law get in the way....

As published in the NY Times today:

“If I did one mistake with Comey, I should have fired him before I got here. I should have fired him the day I won the primaries,” Mr. Trump said. “I should have fired him right after the convention. Say, ‘I don’t want that guy.’ Or at least fired him the first day on the job.”


Is that the way it works? Win a primary, fire anyone you want? Or is it win a nomination, fire anyone you want. Even if you aren't in charge. Even if the person doesn't actually work for you since you don't actually have the job yet.

Of course, had he said he was going to fire Comey the day after the Republican Convention, perhaps Mr. Comey wouldn't have made the ill-timed "reopening the Clinton investigation" decision. And who knows how that might have affected things.

Nevertheless, I think it is an interesting insight into the mind of the person occupying the Oval Office in that he thinks his power extends far beyond the power of the law. Don't let something as trivial as an election get in the way of your aspirations!!

I aspire to own the New York Mets someday. Can I please fire someone - today!?!

Sometimes you just gotta deliver the good yourself

Jacob DeGrom has the best ERA in major league baseball as of today. And that’s after letting up 3 runs last night. He may be the best pitcher in the National League at this moment. Oh, and he has a losing record. Yes, Jake has a losing record because his team (and mine) the Mets just seem to not be able to score any runs in support of his efforts. It may boggle the mind to see this happening to such a talented pitcher, but if you’re a Mets fan of a certain age, you’ve seen this scenario before. With one Tom Terrific, the Franchise, Tom Seaver.

Seaver was dominant in his prime. It’s probably hard for today’s fans to appreciate this because, in Tom’s era, they didn’t keep all of the detailed stats that baseball fans (except me) seem to thrive on today. But Tom Seaver was the main reason so many of us Mets fans kept watching during the dark days of, oh, 1970 to 1979 (with 1973 being, as of August, the exception). Seaver was the best at what he did. But the Mets, much like today’s Mets, couldn’t make it work for him. Over his tenure, the Mets won one World Series (1969) and appeared in one more (the improbably 1973 World Series). That’s it, as far as team success goes. DeGrom has a similar pedigree - one losing World Series appearance in 2015 - which really was no fault of his own. The big difference between the two, however, was that Tom Seaver managed to post a winning record during his time with the Mets (‘74 he was 11-11, but that’s good enough for me). In my opinion, the reason he had a winning record so much of the time (and posted a good number of losses AND didn’t have DeGrom-like ERAs) was because he pitched so damned much. Between 1970 and 1976 (his last full season with the Mets), he pitched 96 complete games. 96!! Which means he had a lot of opportunities for his team to come back late in a game while he was still pitcher of record AND he had a lot of opportunities to keep his team’s bullpen from blowing a game that he might have left with the lead. Compare that to DeGrom. He has - wait for it - 2 complete games in his career. 2. Let me say it again, just to make it sink in. TWO! So the most dominant pitcher in the Mets stable has let, basically, his bullpen decide his fate more often than not. Way more often. It’s like being a chef, a great chef, a 5-star chef, cook her ass off in the kitchen and then having the wait staff drop 6 out of 10 trays of food to the floor, leaving the diners hungry. At some point, you probably wouldn’t blame the chef for delivering the damned food herself to each and every table. Which basically is what Seaver did. He delivered himself to victory - or defeat - way more often than not. And he did it all for 20 years. And 171 complete games. And no Tommy John surgery. Which might be a message to one Mr. DeGrom. Maybe it’s time for you to start delivering your own food to the table, take the reigns, and leave the bullpen to blow somebody else’s games.

Making the team - finally

Fifteen years ago I decided to leave the rather profitable canyons of Wall Street to start anew as a public school teacher. Needless to say, the impact on my bottom line was startling. BUT, the impact on my physical well-being was startling too. My grey hair started to disappear!! Perhaps a fringe benefit to having so little money in my pocket?

My first entree to this new profession was as a substitute teacher - a gig designed to let me gauge whether or not I had the intestinal fortitude (and bladder control) to spend each and every day with more children than any one human being should have to manage at any one time. And it turned out I did - although the bladder thing took a bit of training since I wasn’t used to peeing on a set schedule.

Near the end of what I call this year of introduction, I had the good fortune to do a long-term gig at a middle school. Over 45 days of NOT having to wake up in the wee hours of the morning to try to line up a job for the next day. A place to belong. And, as it turned out, a place that I loved.

Middle school had it all - specific teaching periods, specialities (as opposed to being a generalist in elementary school), sports, a great atmosphere and kids who were old enough to “get the jokes” that I attempted to tell (such as using Homer Simpson to teach Homer).  This, I decided, was where my future would lie.

And so, as fate would have it, I interviewed for an English teaching position and was told “no vacancies”. And, since I had to actually pay my bills, I became a para-professional - a non-teaching teacher who specialized in helping one or two children to hopefully succeed academically. Did I mention this was in first grade? And later Kindergarten? And later second grade? None of which was middle school.

But hope springs eternal and the following year I was hired as a full-fledged teacher - of fifth grade. Not quite middle school but at least some of the kids got the jokes. And besides, it was just a matter of time before I was finally lucky enough to get that middle school job, right?

Sure. I’ve spent the last 13 years teaching fifth grade - almost all of them as a “generalist”, teaching reading, writing, science, math and social studies. And while I can’t complain, I always harbored that hope of moving to middle school. But as time has gone on, I ended up seeing most of my “post fifth grade” plans end up on the scrap heap.  I figured I’d just ride out my time, teach fifth grade, and eventually find my way into retirement.

Until two weeks ago. When, at long last, the assignments for next year were approved by the board of education and there, beside my name, was finally the title I had longed for all those years - Teacher of English, Middle School.  And to make things even better, it was at the middle school I had taught at 15 years ago. Getting that e-mail  was like finally getting the call to the majors after toiling in the minors for so long. And on my “orientation visit”, I was greeted not by teachers who saw me as an intruder, but rather by teachers who remembered me from my first stint and were genuinely welcoming me “back” to my school. It was like a homecoming to a home I’d only spent 50 days in.

I can honestly say I am energized like I haven’t been in so long. I’m actually regretting that we have a summer vacation this year since I can’t wait to get there and get the ball rolling right away. But first - some new jokes. Because if I remember correctly, these kids get them!